i am tired of faking myself,
a smiley face just to make you smile.
i am tired, of lying to myself,
just by doing this, he will fall in love.
i am tired, of situations uncountable,
i masked myself, to be a people pleaser.
i am tired, of being everyone,
i tried to be others, but not being myself.
I am really tired.
If you ever want, or like or love;
come to me, in white of soul.
Then, I can promise,
i won’t get tired.
till then,
yeah, I am tired….
Your touch your care
All the way,
I wonder
Was it me, Or for her?
I can see
Your love for her,
In your eyes, Your desire for her.
Your diary tells thousand of pages,
Noone me, But all her.
My eyes are not blue, My hair not the ocean tide.
My body not curvy, like her; you admired.
I doubt
whatever you said,
Was it me,
Or her
All the way.
My tears question
Why?
Do thee know
What sin thee made?
Does thy conscience has fallen so low? Bewitched by the love, you killed one love.
Why?
all the way,
It was never me.
But, only her, forever her…
He shook his shoulder,
Looked another side.
Tossing my hand,
He told: to be someone else’s.
The promise so pure,
the truthfulness of bond.
The need, the creed.
All, ‘blew away’ with the cold wind of sweltering summer.
In a second, Dreams shattered;
Hope finished.
A thing called love
Ended brutally finished.
A bond we shared,
of love, of care.
She was my ‘to be blamed‘,
She was my ‘to be dedicated‘.
Fight with laughter; annoy with joy.
A thread so certain; yet uncertain.
For years, it’s been.
I still cry.
In memory of her, my tears just don’t dry.
This vaccum in mind, in heart in soul…
what remains?
…but days to mourn.
This universal truth haunts, For those who leaves, never returns.
We are running before time, so instead of analysing and staring problem direct in the eye, we want automatic solution, quote is one of such method.
What is quote?
According to Wikipedia : “A quotation is the repetition of a sentence, phrase, or passage from speech or text that someone has said or writte“.
now why do we need someone else’s saying?
Because we want to learn from their experiences,isn’t it?
It’s human nature to look up to other. Well there is Quote, that does miracles, and when I say, I mean it.
Here it is…
Many of us might have watched, Will Smith starrer movie: ‘ pursuit of happiness’. Here the main character achieves his dreams, by his will power.
You would say it’s a movie! Fine, Have you heard about Michael Jackson, the legendary;or Bruce Lee? What would you say now?
i accept they worked hard, but do you think you can do it without will power? Damn No!
Will power is the coal inside a person, that resists fire turning off!
It’s a very powerful weapon, whose possessor can get whatever he desires(should be for mankind, of course!)
However one must know, just having will power is not enough, you need to be determinant to find your way.
You must :Be Willing To Will.
“Empires built and destroyed,
Napolean to king Suleiman;
Discovery of fire to firing battleground.
For they became the ‘ Heroes of Man’;
Who sang this anthem song:
Where there is a will, there is a way
Where there is a will, there is a way
…”.
Being alive*! Isn’t it? Waking early, and jogging in the morning freshness: I find it most interesting that I still have chance to correct my mess. I still can be sorry to those whom ‘ I may have hurt! ‘(We all know, a lot has happened;in past)
Having mother*, who every damn time, yells me to take shower, and eat on time;to avoid bad health. And father*, who worries more about their daughter’s future than his own!
I can fill my stomach, and sleep comfortably*: when there are many who lacks it, not by choice but ‘not having a choice’. I find it blessed to have these.
My country is safe, and world is at safest*! It matters a lot, when others are happy, only then, you can be at ease.
Hope*. This is the most ‘beautiful‘ thing to have, in this ‘wonderful’ world. It is said it’s never too late! ;
How can five or six things consolidate your feelings? you are grateful about! Even writing this wordpress blog, I feel gratitude.
I don’t know if you have heard or not, but there is kutti Story song from Master movie a Tamil song sung by Thalapathy Vijay and Anirudh Ravichander, talks about momentariness like…
“…Life is very short nanba, Always be happy…. “
“Dowry! What’s that?”
“We don’t take!”
“We dislike it, from the deep of our heart! “
These are very common phrases, we hear today, suits very well to the ear, who doesn’t know the meaning lying inside of it hidden truth!
From ancient times, it has been in practice,
In Indian history, Bimbisara got area of Kashi, by marrying princess of kosala. Akbar Got kingdoms by marrying jodhabai. And who said only India has this phenomena. In 1661 the king of Portugal gave Bombay, to Charles II Of England as dowry when he married the formers’ sister!
It’s not men, but women also actively participate in this play.
Come on! I am not ultra human. I have my flaws as well. Just like many others I love having coffee on bed, watching n number of korean Or Turkish series! Yeah I love binge watching.
I dare not, organising my table; leave alone cleaning room. I have to hear mother yelling for messy clothes( Indian mothers are very emotional regarding daughters and their ‘ should be’ ‘ good habits‘.
In college days, I would scroll down wikipedia page to know a bit here and there, it was good enough to pass midterm semester exam.
If I define comfort zone: then it would be doing exactly nothing what others want me to do.
But it changed, my threshold of zone, needed breach of it’s limit. I was in existential crisis.
I was twenty-three:jobless, friends and others of my age, few of them were earning; others already had a future plan working; me, I had marriage pressure as well, what if I don’t find a good job before twenty-five;then I would have to be get married with anyone. Ah! The donkey dowry system.
In such situation, where there is a well behind you, and Cobra ahead of you; what would you do?
Exactly, then there is no rest, leave comfort and ZONE thing.
I had few entrance exams, into three phases, each phase having 0.1% or less success rate. I was afraid whether I would make or not? But i didn’t had a choice, I already had, 3 years gap after my graduation. There was no returning back, besides there were many criticising fingers, mocking my whole thing.
I wrote a line of Bhagwad Gita, nishkama karma; and that become my moto, I studied and studied, like never in past 5-6 years. I hated that, I cried a lot. I blamed God, destiny, bad luck, and what not! But I studied, I used to wake up early, and go to bed at midnight, every single mono day.
I never once went outside my house, I quit social media accounts; in one line: I did all I could do in those time;
Results?
Well I passed written exam, but didn’t appear for physical phase, I had health issues.
I have another attempt upcomig in 2022, few months left. I haven’t started yet, I have fear in my mind, but again no choice.
I realised, we don’t know our potential until we break our limit. We can never possibly understand what can be done? Just by putting a dashbord with a sign:
Don’t disturb: I am in my COMFORT ZONE!
Dear M
I am sorry, I really am!
I broke your dreams, with my stubborn nature. I am sorry, I should have warned you;
I hated when people talked bad about you, said, “you are ugly, dark skinned, stupid minded etc.”
I thought I was protecting you, by being what they wanted me to. I ran for the love which wasn’t mine, and I repeated this mistake again and again!
I wanted people to love me, accept me; and so I changed you: a people pleaser. Those didn’t even asked in these year, whether I was alive or not?
In this whole process of mythical LOVE I myself somewhere started hating you! For not being pretty, intelligent, rich, bad fated, and what not!
Oh dear, you can’t believe, how much sorry I am! I snatched your dream, broke it; //dreams: that made you survive in tough times. Trust me, I repent it every single day. I have become a living dead, since I lost you.
I regret it everyday! You know, I lost everything, by ignoring you: every person I loved, loved someone else! Friends left me, I cried day and night; all alone, myself; I cried so much that my tears stopped flowing and heart started aching; I couldn’t breathe! I hated my life; I am loosing my hope;
I feel like a caged bird, whose wings have been thrashed, body wounded of struggle, groaning in pain;but can’t cry help! Because it was her own decision to fly amid storm.
Dear M, I know you, so I know; you can’t forgive me easily, as I don’t do! I am ashamed of myself facing you, that’s why I am writing to you. I don’t dare ask forgiveness! Because I feel, what I did is sin; I didn’t killed a person; but botcher my own soul.
Even while writing, I can only think of your full motivational face, in hope: to shine, to be best. And all these memories hurts me, A lot! But I can’t think of anything else!
Dear, I am writing it in the hope if you read it, please! Hate me, hate me so hard that my guilt vanishes! These shackles of failures, guilts are suffocating me.
However since I am you, I can never lose hope for always.
You have been full of positive vibes, and good energy, if possible help me: this wound is not healing;
Write me….
I am sorry,
I love you…
M
Suffocation has stopped your creativity.
Fear lingering in mind, has drained: every drop of courage; you did hold.
Blood pumping has suddenly been fastened.
And,
Heartbeat racing with time.
Your soul is dampening your courage of survival!
And, you are in point of turn.
Now
Breathe!
To the point; you are self.
Breathe!
Till the cloud of imaginary burden, vanishes.
Breathe, O Man, Breathe!
Till the last moment you are live.
shortisokay 