Category Archives: love

bloganuary, culture, failure, family, happy, hardwork, heartbreak, human, India, life, love, mother, mother, Gita, exams, motivation, new year, christmas, 2022,2021,celebration, relax, sad, self, story telling, sucess

Last time I left my comfort zone.

Come on! I am not ultra human. I have my flaws as well. Just like many others I love having coffee on bed, watching n number of korean Or Turkish series! Yeah I love binge watching.

I dare not, organising my table; leave alone cleaning room. I have to hear mother yelling for messy clothes( Indian mothers are very emotional regarding daughters and their ‘ should be’ ‘ good habits‘.

In college days, I would scroll down wikipedia page to know a bit here and there, it was good enough to pass midterm semester exam.

If I define comfort zone: then it would be doing exactly nothing what others want me to do.

But it changed, my threshold of zone, needed breach of it’s limit. I was in existential crisis.

I was twenty-three:jobless, friends and others of my age, few of them were earning; others already had a future plan working; me, I had marriage pressure as well, what if I don’t find a good job before twenty-five;then I would have to be get married with anyone. Ah! The donkey dowry system.

In such situation, where there is a well behind you, and Cobra ahead of you; what would you do?

Exactly, then there is no rest, leave comfort and ZONE thing.

I had few entrance exams, into three phases, each phase having 0.1% or less success rate. I was afraid whether I would make or not? But i didn’t had a choice, I already had, 3 years gap after my graduation. There was no returning back, besides there were many criticising fingers, mocking my whole thing.

I wrote a line of Bhagwad Gita, nishkama karma; and that become my moto, I studied and studied, like never in past 5-6 years. I hated that, I cried a lot. I blamed God, destiny, bad luck, and what not! But I studied, I used to wake up early, and go to bed at midnight, every single mono day.

Library seat

I never once went outside my house, I quit social media accounts; in one line: I did all I could do in those time;

Results?

Well I passed written exam, but didn’t appear for physical phase, I had health issues.

I have another attempt upcomig in 2022, few months left. I haven’t started yet, I have fear in my mind, but again no choice.

I realised, we don’t know our potential until we break our limit. We can never possibly understand what can be done? Just by putting a dashbord with a sign:

Don’t disturb: I am in my COMFORT ZONE!

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A road trip I would love to take…


Re – path

I always wondered, what would be I doing, if I have the luxury to do anything!

And answer was, ” I want to travel a lot, visit lots of places, take pictures and showing off on insta, for sure! “

But if there were only one choice… Only one road trip, then I would love to…

RE PATH

Reversing my journey to all those places I have been. My birth place, I never visited since born, as my father had temporary job:here and there.

My sweet Grandma’s house, I hold adorable memories. After my father lost his job I spent enough time with granny, visiting her field, temples, making friends in villages, and bunking schools.

My first love, I remember crying hours, when I learnt, he loved my classmate, I was in standard three.

My Dream factory, where I begin to aspire big, read good books, study better, be a better person… Uncountable!

Those minutes of failure, losing self- believe; that cost me tonnes, in future.

Reminiscing first: cycling,dancing falling; I can write many books on it!

Oh man! I feel nothing is worth comparing: visiting my own journey.

Every person, thing, has its own existence; that one strives for, long for.

I always used to compare myself with others; however now, I believe each of us are unique: with our own Road Trips to travel for, and write about.

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To my teenage self

Dear M

I am sorry, I really am!

I broke your dreams, with my stubborn nature. I am sorry, I should have warned you;

I hated when people talked bad about you, said, “you are ugly, dark skinned, stupid minded etc.”

I thought I was protecting you, by being what they wanted me to. I ran for the love which wasn’t mine, and I repeated this mistake again and again!

I wanted people to love me, accept me; and so I changed you: a people pleaser. Those didn’t even asked in these year, whether I was alive or not?

In this whole process of mythical LOVE I myself somewhere started hating you! For not being pretty, intelligent, rich, bad fated, and what not!

Oh dear, you can’t believe, how much sorry I am! I snatched your dream, broke it; //dreams: that made you survive in tough times. Trust me, I repent it every single day. I have become a living dead, since I lost you.

I regret it everyday! You know, I lost everything, by ignoring you: every person I loved, loved someone else! Friends left me, I cried day and night; all alone, myself; I cried so much that my tears stopped flowing and heart started aching; I couldn’t breathe! I hated my life; I am loosing my hope;

I feel like a caged bird, whose wings have been thrashed, body wounded of struggle, groaning in pain;but can’t cry help! Because it was her own decision to fly amid storm.

Dear M, I know you, so I know; you can’t forgive me easily, as I don’t do! I am ashamed of myself facing you, that’s why I am writing to you. I don’t dare ask forgiveness! Because I feel, what I did is sin; I didn’t killed a person; but botcher my own soul.

Even while writing, I can only think of your full motivational face, in hope: to shine, to be best. And all these memories hurts me, A lot! But I can’t think of anything else!

Dear, I am writing it in the hope if you read it, please! Hate me, hate me so hard that my guilt vanishes! These shackles of failures, guilts are suffocating me.

However since I am you, I can never lose hope for always.

You have been full of positive vibes, and good energy, if possible help me: this wound is not healing;

Write me….

I am sorry,

I love you…

M

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Leave it, until you make it!

When we are overthinking a problem, unknowingly we make it unmounted pain.

There is this, that;if what, and more.

A more realistic solution to such issues are siting quiet for 2minutes, thinking nothing.

It rejuvenates our mind to think with full potential.

Then out of sudden, the answer comes…

So, when you can’t reach a conclusion, just leave the problem.

Leave it, until you make it!
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Master of Ship

It’s been long,
Days have been worse,
I started with hope, now blurry.

This sea and ship, I believed, was mine.
So I declared, to ride this tide.

How far, should I go?
When this voyage is uncertain,
And the storms are determined:
To show their majesty.


Should I return back?
As dark clouds are extinguishing, any hope of light.
Wearing costumes of:
a horror ghost,
This little fear of death, dances inside me.

Should I wait?
For these wind to calm.
This cold air freezing me into white.

Hands, shall I pray!
For God, “to come”, “save me”.

“What’s this! “, “I hear a voice! “
:
Despair and dare can’t go side by side!
I came to this journey, by my choice.
Known of: what;
how things can go.

This unmounted mountain of struggles,
I were aware.

I came with zeal of exploration.


I accepted!

All that comes,
On this way,
To see that side, I started,me sailing for.
Yes, I bow, to his mighty,
But i will play with all my might.
Yes, I pray, to the God,
But to thank, for giving me chance.

I am my own master,
Master of ship.

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Utopian fantacies


There was a girl,
Full of innocense,
believed her dreams.

A warrior prince, she was hoping for;
Who fights her miseries;
Takes her far:
In a world of peace, love and joy,

There was a fire, sudden at night.
Her room was locked,
Her parents cried, help!

Yet that girl, sat and smiled.
She waited, doing nothing.
When the door opened,
She was bemoaned.

Sitting by the window,
Waiting for that prince.
Closing the door,
Not crying anymore!

What a dark imagination she had!
Once what made her happy,
Today, killed her crappy.

What a believe, fated to ashes!

A utopian fantasy!
I declare!

Beware of what you believe/it can either make you or break you…
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Lessen you’ thinketh

The more you think, the worse.

As thoughts are contradictory, self and others.

Uncombined twisted meaning of conventional wisdom.

Paradoxical events binds together, in an event of cognitive dissonance.

Has been less complicated in approach; Plato has not been melted into simplicity.

Greek philosophers to Indian ancient hymns: Large canonical texts, looks impressed.

Wonder it’s been, to decode:

Thoughts, it’s origin, processed, divided.

To me, to others and to this overlapping structure of society.

This ‘thought’, has robes to change.

Rightly been said:

The less you think, the better.

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Crown

Mesmerized:

by the precious gems, and jingles;
of my crown.

Many of you, raised brows and frowned.

You might be:

counting the stars of my sky, shining, much above; your ever did.

Agony of non- fulfilment might have caused:

you, bemoaning of theft.

And,
Less adamant you might be,
knowing:

Thorns in my crown

Those sleepless night, of countless efforts;
I made.

Eyes swollen, hand shivering;
body crying, “rest in need! “.

Dare I avoid!

Those Bating down.

I made those stars: glittery;
Brushing: time and time.



When you were resting, I at quest.



I choose those jwels from mine of bravest:
With armour of will, passion and writ.

Look the mockery of time,
Yet you question thorns of crown!
I adore it, from the day; I was born.


Blessed was I: to have the God.
To have mercy, to show a path.

Loved I was, it worked out, fruited sweet with dozens light.

But,


Here you go, doubting my sword!

I challange!

Wear your bestest, carry your sharpest;
Hold your shoulder tight!

Fight,
Have these scorns!
If you win,

You can own :

“This bleeding crown”.

It takes blood and sweat to wear that crown.
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